4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
