i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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