im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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