for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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