The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are we still banned from the library?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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