So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
