Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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