The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The adults are the big ones right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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