He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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