I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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