you win again, gameday.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
