Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
