wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
