I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish I had a tail.
...why not?
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