so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
50% drunk capacity currently
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
