fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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