you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
