I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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