i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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