I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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