i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
