just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
