When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
