Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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