How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
