Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
