i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
