Can i not drive my cunt home
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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