Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
