my vag is so smooth its legendary
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
