I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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