It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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