Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
