my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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