I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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