it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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