I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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