he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
