I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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