I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
