I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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