I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
