I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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