Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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