There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just googled if crying burns calories
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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