my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
