Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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