6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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