i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
