You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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