If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
