A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
