Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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