Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
