My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In other news, I just burned my penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
