Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
