Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
