I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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