Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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