I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
