She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
