I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.