i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
