dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
