i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often