the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My vagina is officially offended.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
