I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.