Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password