No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
