yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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