It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
