No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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