Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
