It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
