I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
