She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
